Dear Dorgy,

We talked about you today. Again. It happens every day and it’s actually very good as apart from the immense sadness I find these moments as a chance to smile. It’s impossible not to smile, remembering your unique character and funny stories. 

I won’t tell a story today but just say about feeling that both of us get now. This feeling is super strong. It is about your presence, your presence in our life, in our house, in our routines and rituals. The house feels so empty, it’s unbelievable. The only change is there is no one dog anymore but feels like much more. It was so much of you (haha sounds weird but I never was sick), that now just feels empty and wrong. Almost echo around. 

The other thing with emptiness. Empty = lonely. That’s how both of us feeling right now. Like we had someone we looked after and who looked after us. It is true. I haven’t done a single thing at home without you. You’re a true companion, partner in crime. 

I said T. today that I just feel deflated and lost, and lonely, and sad. And it makes me angry when people don’t understand and say I should move on, ‘it’s just a dog’. I can’t move on, I need a moment. It’s not like I am going to stop living or something. But you meant so much to me that I need a moment.  Or two, or three. No one should really count. I understand that you won’t come back or something, but it’s really hard to accept you are not with us anymore. Hard, impossible, unbearable to accept it. Emptiness will help (=force) to accept, I guess. 

An empty house doesn’t mean an empty heart. My heart is full of love, wonderful memories about wonderful times that hopefully will keep me going. For you, my puppy ❤

Sleep tight, my boy! 

Love,

Me